Subur

seperti biasa, kata-kata "nanti aku coba rajin ngeblog lagi, paling gak satu minggu sekali" itu cuma jadi omong kosong belaka. Kenapa? kehidupan nyata ku sekarang jauh lebih seru dari kehidupan dunia maya ku. daridulu emang seru, tapi sekarang lebih menyenangkan. Atau sebenernya selama ini emang lebih banyak menghabiskan waktu di depan laptop saking jomblonya.

Belakangan ini bener-bener senang, karna libur seminggu (atau sebenernya aku yang meliburkan diri). Minggu lalu nonton Iron Man 3 sama anak2 gereja. Film yang bikin puke rainbow saking tiap adegan itu bener-bener awesomeness overload. Film terkeren sepanjang masa. Sialnya, pas nonton tiba-tiba aku kebelet pipis, tapi aku tahan karna gamau melewatkan satu adegan pun. Tapi akhirnya ga tahan -,-

Bersama temenku (yang ternyata juga udah nahan pipis daritadi), kita lari-lari ke toilet. Cepet-cepet pipisnya (oke, sekarang tambah turun aja kualitas blogku.. pipis aja diceritain). Trus baliknya lari-lari lagi ke theater. Eh, sendal jepit ku putus.....

Sendal jepit putus pun bukan halangan. Ku lepas sendalku, ku pegang di tangan, sambil terus berlari menaiki tangga menuju seatku (kenapa mendadak semacam puitis). Mumpung gelap. Semoga gada yang lihat. Lanjut nonton. Teriak2: KYAAA KYAAAA KYAAA. Herannya satu theater pada kalem semua nontonnya. Aku tok yang heboh kayaknya. Aneh, padahal Iron Man nya keren banget! - Mungkin aku yang kelebihan gula, jadinya hiperaktif.

Senin kmaren tidur seharian. Besoknya camp LBC bareng temen2 Teknik Industri UBAYA di Trawas. seru abiiiis. Awalnya dapat tugas interview warga sekitar. Menurutku menarik sih interviewnya, meskipun yang lain kayaknya biasa aja. Jadi belajar beberapa hal soal masyarakat desa.

Habis itu kita outbond. Atas pimpinan Ko Bobby, kelompok kita yang nyelesain gamesnya paling cuepet. Habis itu ada game yang mau gamau harus nyemplung di kali yang ada kodok mati + ikan yang mati juga. Gak harus nyemplung sih, kalo mau di gendong ya di gendong. Tapi sadar diri berat badan 51 kg. masih kepala 5 =,=

Btw di sana udaranya enak, makanannya enaak. Malamnya kita disuruh jalan dengan berbekal 1 lilin + 1 kotak korek api. Iya, semacam jerit malam. Gak terlalu serem sih, capek iya.

Besoknya lomba bikin kapal. Lagi-lagi kelompok kita menang kategori Best Product. Lagi-lagi menang bukan gara-gara aku. hahaha. Biasa, numpang kejayaan.

Pulang, tepar. Besoknya, tepar. Tapi nyempetin bersih-bersih kamar. Trus kmaren dapat berita super baik dari mama. Pokoknya senaaaang :)

Eh ya, supaya post ini jadi agak bermutu dikit, aku mau jelasin pelajaran hidup yang aku ambil dari games Zuma. tau gak? yang ada kodok nembakin bola warna-warni ituu. Iya, gue tau gue cupu banget mainnya gituan. Itu games jadul banget. Awalnya iseng main itu, gara2 udah bosen main Criminal Case di fb. Eh ternyata lama-lama ketagihan brooo

Awalnya pas main masih cupu, masih susah dapat koin, sering salah tembak, trus masih lambat mainnya, jadinya gabisa dapat tambahan bonus. Tapi aku ulang lag, ulang lagi, ulang lagi.. sekarang makin mahir. udah jarang mati. uangnya jutaan. Main sambil merem aja bisa (oke ini bohong).

INTINYA APA SIH FEN -,-

intinyaaaa. hidup kita itu kayak Zuma (ciye). Awalnya kita bakal sering ngalamin yang namanya gagal, tapi kalo kita coba terus, pasti nanti bisa. Pasti makin mahir (ini yang perlu di garis bawahi). Semakin sering kita gagal, semakin sering kita ngulang, semakin kita jadi mahir tiap pengulangannya. Iya gak?

Coba deh kamu main Zuma sekarang. Eits, jangan diremehin bro. Tanpa pemanasan, aku yakin kalian bakal kaku kaku, dan bakal mati-mati. Coba kalo diulang beberapa kali, pasti langsung capcus mainnya.

Koin di Zuma itu bonus. iya, kadang kita fokus mau nembak koin, sampe lupa kalo bola-bolanya jalan terus dan makin deket sama tengkorak. ya kan? sama kayak hidup. Kita kadang fokus ke hal-hal tertentu yang kita mau dapatin, sampe lupa apa aja yang perlu kita jalanin.

Zuma juga ngasih bonus kalo kita bisa finish-in levelnya lebih cepat. Kadang kita buru2 banget kan, nembakin bolanya. sampe kadang bola warna ungu kita tembakin ke deretan bola merah. itu sih artinya kita kurang tidur bro atau jangan2 gejala buta warna. Itu artinya kita gausah buru-buru bro, WOLES.

ah, udah itu aja. Tumben bijak hahaha. (ini semua di dikte eyang Subuur) hahahaha. oke deh, bye. have a nice day! :)

Ganbatte!

I'm not going to open this post by "ah, long time didn't write anything! miss you all" thing, because I barely write anything lately. what I mean lately is like a few months. So, I don't want to open my posts with the same line all over again haha.

It took me by surprise when some of my friends asked why I didn't write anything lately in this blog. Is my blog that famous? -,- It made me feel self-conscious. I planned to change my URL again, but what's the point? My blog tittle is "From Me to You", so it said itself that I'm writing to you, and I should not hide anything (or, actually From Me to You is just a Beattle song).

Besides, I completely aware that my recent posts really didn't worth reading. Immature. Completely random. Not to mention, I haven't post anything about cool music videos or song lyrics, book recommendations, or even movie to watch like I used to. So, I really surprised when someone actually looking forward to my blog post. It just... weird. But I appreciate my readers, so now I'm trying to write constantly. Maybe a post for a week?

Frankly, this couple of weeks are midterm tests week, so I'm a little bit busy. But to be honest, this is the very first time I feel like I didn't prepare much for the test. It's not like I didn't take it seriously, but I just can't concentrate! Not focus at all. well, yeah, maybe it's the internet that have been distracting me all this time, but in my defense, I can't concentrate reading, so I tried to be relax and then starting to wander around the internet. haha. But tomorrow I have English test, so I think what's the harm writing this post? Let's say I'm practicing. hehe.

well, that's who I am. Sometimes I just can't stick to my plans. Isn't it funny? when I'm soooo busy, my ideas about projects, like practice making illustrations, visual arts, taking photograph, fashion photo shoot, hand craft, suddenly come up and all I want is to do the projects as soon as possible. It makes me always looking forward to holidays, but when it comes to holidays, all I do is nothing more than wasting time. I barely remember what things I've done. Is it always like that? yes. If you remember I said that I want to be an organized person, it's completely failed. =,=

Thursday is the last day of the tests, and I have one week of holidays (or should I call it holiweek?) I will try to do something. You can see my blog now have some blog lists that I labeled "Refresh Button" (but maybe later I will change it to another name. I'll let you know). Go open it and you will be amazed.. I know, right?!! I envy them, but at the same time so happy I can find such a creative people like they are. :D

I want to be like them. I will practice, practice and practice! (Thank you for being such an inspiration). Can't wait! >.<

Ganbatte to all of us ;)

I remained silent, but this is what it is

Super quick post!

Curhatan terbaru:

tadi barusan ada orang (gausah disebut) bilang kalo dia ragu aku bisa... (gausah disebut). dan DING! aku jadi pengen cepat-cepat ini selesai and I will be like:

"Surprise! I have done it! and I'm sorry I have a bad news for you: you are not the only human in the world who can do this.Burn!"

a note from my dark side.

 kidding, of course I will not saying things like that. Don't let anyone push your button, they said. If only I can do this right, the time will speak itself. yeah? yeah? *self five*

P.S: yeah, I don't have any idea what is "a note from my dark side" doing there, either. I'm adding it just to be more dramatic.

About Today

Holaa! Seharusnya hari ini nyuci baju, bikin soal buat kelas asistensi besok, dan seharusnya bikin presentasi tentang infrastruktur hardware & software. HA! Tapi sayang sekali hari ini (atau sebenarnya hampir tiap hari), I don’t feel like doing anything.
 

Hari ini dihabiskan dengan pergi ke gereja, nelpon mama, tidur siang, nonton Modern Family sambil ngemil dan minum soda. Guilty pleasuuuure. Fyi, aku udah nonton SEMUA episode nya! Woohooooo!! Yayaya, aku tau yang dipikiranmu sekarang “Fenny ini kasian banget sih, kerjaannya gitu doang, gak punya kehidupan.” But who caresssss? I couldn’t stand the idea of not calling my Mom and not to watch the whole episodes of Modern Fam hahaha. Jadwal nelpon cuma satu atau dua kali seminggu. Sekali nelpon, sejam gak cukup. Emang sengaja nelponnya gak tiap hari, supaya punya banyak cerita yang bisa diceritain. The thing is, my Mom is the most supportive person I’ve ever had!! She understands me. Love you, Mom! :)
 

Btw kapan-kapan harus posting special nyeritain tentang Modern Fam. Oh ya, aku juga pingin posting tentang beberapa orang yang aku kagumin. Coming soon yaaaa! Ntar aku kasih label “meet”, karna isinya ya tentang “I want you to meet ….”. Ada beberapa orang keren yang beneran pingin ku tulis di blog, biar semua orang tau hehe. Ada fashion blogger (dan ada yang sekaligus model), dan ada artist (bukan selebriti, tapi “artist” – seniman).

Speaking of fashion, sebenernya ada hasrat juga sih pengen jadi semacam fashion blogger *blush*. Di lemari banyak dress yang agak jarang di pake, karna jarang ada momen tepat buat make nya. Pingin sih, photoshoot terus masukin di blog. Sayangnya ga ada yang fotoin. My sisters are busy :( wajar sih, mereka kerja, jadi gak bebas kayak dulu, huhuhu. Pingin bangeeet bikin project-project gituu with my sisters. DIY things atau gambar rumah-rumahan buat baju-bajuan (itu loh, yang di jual di depan sekolah, dari kertas, digunting orang-orangan sama baju-bajunya, ntar bajunya bisa diganti macem-macem). Dulu waktu kecil, my sisters (sorry, agak aneh aja nyebut “kakak-kakak ku” atau “cece-cece ku” haha -,-) suka gambar rumah, ada kamar tidurnya, tangga, semuanya.) Gambarnya di kulit buku-buku tulis bekas yang di lem pake selotip, dijadiin satu. Jadinya rumah yang super gedeee. Ranjangnya di silet bagian atas selimutnya, jadi orang-orangan kertasnya bisa di selipin. (gak ngerti ya? Kayaknya emang yang main beginian cuma keluargaku doang hahaha, emang super susah buat dijelasin.) Sayang gak ada fotonyaaaa. Kapan-kapan deh, kalo aku pulang, aku fotoin. Semuanya kakakku yang gambar. Super baguuuuus! Kita sekeluarga suka gambar (kecuali mungkin Papa). Dan Mama sebenernya cuma sering gambar baju, soalnya mama dulu les jahit.

DIY selama liburan, cuma bikin flower crown. coming right up to the next post yaaa! *semoga inget* flower crownnya kebanyakan, jadi rencana bakal di jual hihi. ntar deh aku foto dulu trus upload.

Wah, ceritanya jadi kemana-mana. Percaya atau gak, nulis beginian asyik juga walaupun isinya semacam curhatan harian hahahha. Toh blog boleh diisi apa aja kan? Oke deh, gotta go. Mau gak mau, urusan harus responsible. Ciayoooo! Oke byeeee, thanks for reading.

Organized

tadi pagi sudah bertekad harus nulis blog hari ini, jadi yaudah, hari ini aku bakal nulis blog. Meskipun, sebenernya tekad nulis blog ini udah dari berhari-hari yang lalu. Tapi baru terwujud hari ini -,-

It's been a looooong time. Liburan semester, and my excuse is: I had a such poor internet connection back in my hometown. Don't ask. Semua susah tanpa internet. Apalagi sebenernya modemku bisa aja connect, tapi buka google aja sempet buat tidur siang. Pffft.

Sebenernya ternyata gak susah susah amat mengabaikan modem lemot dan menyimpannya baik-baik dalam tas. Tapi jadi susah pas ngecheck nilai, ngecheck IP, atau input. Fyi, modemnya lemot bukan karna Balikpapan itu hutan tapi karna modemku itu Smartfren yang sinyalnya emang gada di Balikpapan. hahaha, jadi yang salah siapa? :3

Banyaaaaak banget yang mau ditulis, karna itu pake Bahasa Indonesia aja. Lagian belakangan udah agak ilfeel pake bahasa inggris, soalnya semua orang pake bahasa inggris sekarang. Dan di beberapa blog orang, ada yang bahasa inggrisnya kacaau banget, sampe rasanya malu sendiri: jangan jangan dulu aku sekacau itu? sekarang pun juga masih kacau -,-

Liburan gak kemana-mana, palingan ke Samarinda. Tapi menyenangkan :) ketemu keluarga setelah sekian lama. Keluarga itu beda sama teman. Keluarga itu kenal kamu. Keluarga itu kadang menjudge kamu, dan kamu menjudge mereka, tapi karena kita emang sama-sama tau dan no hard feelings ever. Dalam keluarga, kadang kita saling marahan, eh tapi sejam kemudian udah bercandaan lagi. (ok, I am so deep)

Btw, setelah gue inget2, gue belum officially bikin New Year Resolutions. Don't judge meeee, it's still February. I can start over whenever I want. I'm that lazy HUAHAHA. Dengan ini saya nyatakan, NYR #1: KEEP MYSELF ORGANIZED. Percaya atau tidak, saya seorang gadis Chinese bergolongan darah A. As an A blood type, I should be perfectionist, tapi gak pernah bersikap perfeksionis sama sekali =,=

Orang-orang perfeksionis itu udah menyiapkan segala sesuatunya. Hal-hal yang bakal mereka lakuin hari ini, besok, bahkan tahun depan. Mereka udah punya target buat diraih. Dan aku.... *hening, angin berhembus, jerami bergulung di jalan sepi*

Jadi, mulai sekarang, aku mau semua rapi dan teroganized. Seems impossible, but at least agak terorganized masih lebih baik daripada enggak terorganized. ciyeee. Pagi ini bahkan aku rapiin kamar sebelum pergi, dan rapiin sepatu-sepatu berserakan di depan pintu kamar. hehehe.

Tugas juga udah selesaii. Beasiswa udah diurus, surat-surat asdos udah dibuat. Dan hari pertama kuliah cukup lancar. and yeah, btw, aku bakal jadi asdoooosss hiihihi. not a big deal, tadinya ga pengen ngasitau siapa2, tapi mereka tau sendiri, jadi yaudahh. Sebenernya ga ada niatan jadi asdos kalkulus, tapi dosennya yang nawarin, jadi yaudahh. Awalnya ragu sih, dan sempet nolak tapi I got the family supports, so everything will be ok. My mom seemed happy and proud about it, so I'm doing this for her.

Belum officially ngasdos sih. mungkin ntar kalo udah ketemu murid2, bakal stress sendiri. Brace yourself, postingan2 curhatan tentang capeknya rutinitas is coming. pffft, seakan-akan rutinitasnya padat. Padat karna nonton Modern Family hehehe. Lucu banget lhhhoooo Luke sekarang. Selama liburan, ketinggalan HIMYM dan Glee. Jadi sibuk kejar download dan kejar nonton. Tuh kan, emang sibuk aku ini. Belum lagi aku lagi kejar nonton animenya Bleach. huumm.

Aku kurusaaan. Not surprise sih, paling pertengahan tahun gendutan lagi, ntar akhir tahun kurusan lagi. Selalu dalam siklus berat badan naik turun. But you know what's so pathetic about it? aku kurus sepanjang aku SD, SMP. mulai gendut selama 2 tahun pertama di SMA, kelas 3 kurus, masuk kuliah kurus, semester 2 mulai gendut. TAPI YANG ORANG INGAT ITU GENDUTNYA DOANG. mereka mana peduli aku kurus 11 tahun, dan gendutnya sebentar doang, MESTI YANG DIINGET GENDUTNYA DOANG. sorry, emosional kalo ngomongin ini hahahaha. lagian beratku yang paling berat itu 54 kg. tinggi 165 cm. masih dibawah batas ideal = masih kurus. Camkan ituuu!!!!

Daaaan beratku sebelum masuk kuliah 47 kg. Catat itu baik-baik. Kalo beratmu 45 kg padahal tinggimu cuma 157 cm, jangan mengira kamu lebih kurus. saya cukup berharap anda mengerti tentang rasio. jika tidak, anda harus belajar soal menghitung rasio. *oke fen, stop talking*

Ngomongin apa ya kita tadi? oh, KEEP ORGANIZED! *topik melayang jauh*. New year resolutions #2: emmmm, apa ya? ntar aja deh dipikirin. hehe.

Agak ngantuk nih. Lagian belum mandi dan belum makan. gotta go, byeee

P.s: maybe I'm gonna start the "keep organized" thing tomorrow. I mean this is the first day back to college. I have enough already, haven't I? hahahha kidding. bad news: I'm not kidding. totally start tomorrow. or even maybe the day after *wink and smile* ;)

Photoshoot 2012

it's 21st of January 2013, the day that I really waiting for. I'll be home in a couple hours. I couldn't be more excited about it, even though I haven't finished packing yet. I'm that lazy.

My sisters and I are so excited to have a photoshoot like what we did last semester. But this time, without any photographer, just because they think I'm good at editing photos, so why spent so much money to pay a photographer? which is true, I can edit photos, but another question popped up in my head: can we take a good photos? nice angle and all stuff? when I mean we, actually I was just being nice because I think I can take photos. My sisters? hmm, that's another question. Hahahaha. And all I got just a pocket camera. I doubt we can get good photos.

About our photoshoot earlier, I haven't posted it in my blog. So yeah, I'm gonna upload some of it here :) and please noted, the credit goes to the Photographers (Deddy Doloksaribu and his friend) and me, because I'm the one who edited all photos hahaha. Here we gooo!

this is me hehe :)

Sky is not the limit, I am

Last night is totally a slap-in-the-face for me. All this time, I grumbled a lot about my problems. It made my eyes so blurred that I can't see the reality. World is more cruel than I ever noticed. I was sad just because I built walls around me, then I trapped in a room -- that I created myself, with my sadness and negativity. Now, I feel stupid for being such a weak girl.

This is my favorite quote from Gloria so far:

Manny : Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this? Where's my soft-boiled egg?

Gloria : I scrambled it. It's good for you to try new things.
Manny : I don't want to try new things. You can't just spring this on me.
Gloria : I have bad news, Manny. This is not the biggest curve ball that life is going to throw you.

EXACTLY. I should've keep it in my mind everytime I feel low: This is not the biggest curve ball that life is going to throw you.
No, this quote is not the slap. It's actually a song, Something More by Nick Vujicic. Totally awestruck. Most wonderful music video that I've ever seen :)

 A big thanks to my friend, who told me about this song. It really means something. Especially when my friend told me that Nick still keep a pair of shoes in his closet.. A pair of shoes.. that means a pair of hopes that he keep believing. :)

I feel both happy and sad about the shoes. I don't know why it makes me smile eventhough my heart is broken. It just wonderful that Nick believes wholeheartedly. :) Nick was once asked: "what kind of husband I am gonna be, if I can't hold my wife's hands?" - which made me cried even harder - "I know I can't. I can't hold my wife hands, but someday I knew I could. Someday I will, maybe in the other life." (I have no idea whether this part is true, because my friend loves exaggerating things, but screw that. I believe it, too.)

By the way, Nick is now married to a beautiful girl and he is soon to be Dad! If one day, I meet him, I will hug him and say thanks for the song.

They said: “Limits exist only in the mind”

So yeah, "Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly.” - Richard Bach

"The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the buts you use today." - Les Brown

Have a nice holidays :)

Do you remember?

Do you remember, as a kid, the first time you went really fast on your bike, and it felt like you were flying, or the first time you got both wheels off the ground, and how you could feel, almost hear, your heart beating. It was like the first time you held her hand, or ran away from home and got lost.
Now, do you remember the last time you drove by a lake and wondered if there was a rope swing but never stopped, or the last time you looked at a smooth stone and imagined throwing it across the water but finished your conversation instead. When was the last time you considered a tree based on climb-ability? Ran across the grass barefoot, or decided to be a robber instead of a cop? Well, no one wants to be a cop anyways.
Let’s pretend again, and play a prank; we’ll defend a fort, or draw a map to plan an escape. All we have to do is take off our shoes and jump in, or walk outside and find an adventure.

-James Nord

I just can't get enough!

sekarang emang lagi uas tapi gausah diomongin, suram semua. dosen menggila ngasih soal persamaan logaritma dalam mata kuliah Ergonomi. Luar Biasa! :D *super big fake smile* lupakan saja target straight A's.

oke gausah dibahas. yang mau aku bahas adalahhh, aku kepikiran mulu sama Clutch hitam di New Look *eaaa* soalnya belum punya clutch nih. ntar imlek-an pake apaa? *eaaa*

jadi ceritanya gini, waktu itu iseng ke GM, mau belajar tapi belajarnya cuma sejam habis itu kepala panas, akhirnya gak tahan dan ujung-ujungnya jalan jalan. Nah, ketemu sweater owl super cute di New Look, tapi 400 ribu, kemudia harapan pun pupus seketika. Noleh ke depan, *criiing* ada cermin, kacaan dulu (loh?), noleh ke kiri belakang arah barat daya, *criiing* ada yang berkilau di rak. Gue datengin, eh ternyata clutch hitam ada studded gold yang pass banget sama rok+atasan gue yang baru. Cuma *cumaaa* 250 ribu. tergiur beli? iya lah, tapi mengingat dompet udah tiba-tiba menipis dalam hitungan hari? akhirnya gajadi.. (mama, baca ini maa. anakmu tahan godaan :))

Bukan itu yang mau aku ceritain. Sekarang gue lagi histeris, lantaran gue barusan browsing websitenya New Look. Pengen cari gambar clutch itu, soalnya gue udah lupa rupa nya kayak mana. eh, malah ketemu sweater owl ituuu. Tapi gambarnya jelek. TAPI HARGANYA £10.00!!!! dengan mata berbinar-binar, segera saya google berapa rupiah 1 pound sterling. eh, 15626.10! berarti itu sweater cuma 150 ribuan. DISINI DIJUAL 400AN. gemes gak sih? nih nih gue share gambarnya:

Black Embellished Owl Knit Jumper

iya itu lagi sale, harga awalnya £22.99. tapi teteep ajaa, kenapa disini harus 400an? :( btw gambarnya emang jeleek. tapi aslinya super cute hhhh. Btw, wishlist gue jadi buanyaaak banget.

ada boots super keren dari June+Julia, here it is:

  

 Black Faux Leather with Patent Details

pengen beli, tapi heelsnya 13cm. lupakan aja. tinggi gue udah 165+13= 178 cm. Sedangkan kapan hari pake heels 7cm aja udah kayak raksasa berdiri di samping temen-temen. haaaaah.

I couldn't help but notice that some of you were questioning kenapa blogku jadi ngomongin baju tas sepatu alias fashion? *blush* sebenernya aku emang suka daan kalian tau sendiri aku makhluk gua kalo udah ketemu internet, bakal lupa waktu dan gak keluar kamar, termasuk gak jadi belajar padahal lagi ujian semester. Online shop jaman sekaran gudah bener-bener beda. Ada baik dan buruknya hahahaha.

Masih banyak foto-foto fashion stuffs yang menggiurkan, tapi aku mau belajar dulu ya *munafik* jangan ganggu aku lagi please.. aku udah gak tahan sama kamu, kamu berubah sekarang (loh ini apa? lupakan.)

Ciao! Good luck ujian minggu kedua yang semua matkulnya sangar! :)

NB: sebenernya (tanpa ada maksud sombong) aku pintar akting, nyanyi, nari, fashionable. Kalo ada audisi, call me, okay? aku lagi ga semangat kuliah, pingin jadi artis aja haha. kidding. seriusan, call me. KIDDING.

2012

last day on 2012! oh my God! I know I said it like thousand times, but yeah, future is always scary for meee!

But as others, I want to learn every lesson I've got this year. And also, I'll make a to-do-list for 2013. First of all, I want to apologize to everybody for.. I don't know, maybe I was being such a pill orrrr I was just react as exactly I should, because you're being such a pill all the time. kidding. I'm kidding when I say kidding. haha mindblowin.

I know I've changed. I mean seriously, idk since when, but I have bad temper. I am not used to be like that, I swear. yeah, I don't like me either. I suddenly have this giant ball of negative emotions that perhaps had been buried in me after all this time, and when someone put a needle on it, BAM. haha. On my defense, I really felt some people were being very very annoying. Not to mention, kinda stupid. *omg, that sounds so evil, fenny*

My other explanation is, I don't have things I used to have. I am far away from my family. College is keeping me busy, and I meet the same people all the time, which make me sick of it. I don't even have enough me-time. Fyi, I love to be alone. First, when you're alone, you can do anything you want, without anybody gives unnecessary comments. Second? well, I'm kind of a social awkward haha. Let's just call it wallflower.

I remember once, when I was in the high school, my heart was broken because this one guy (I was teenager, you know) and it made me sad at school. But the when I got home, things got better. Sharing stories and laughter with mom and sisters, always make me feel better. Love is always there. Now? I don't know how to make things better everytime I get tired of college routines. I feel blue. I feel alone, not in the way I like.

The good news is, I'll be home soon. ok, not very soon. January 21st, to be exact. And I hope I will be the girl I used to be :)

By the way, I made a playlist for you haha. It's just that I am now a fan of Ed Sheeran, and I just want you to listen to his song. This song, The A Team, is about a girl with drugs (looks like it's crystal meth) and then she died (what is wroooong with me). hahaha. I picked a Christmas song as well, O holy night by Lea Michelle. Incredibly beautiful :) Another song from Glee Cast is Here's to us. Perfect song for fixing all of this. Aaand, I dreamed a dream by Anne Hathaway!! She has a nice voice! Ok, enjoy it ;)

P.S: "Sometimes being alone gives you space to grow." -Mariz

what to focus on

 Merry-late-Christmas! hope you had a nice one this year :)

Well, I was a little bit sad on the Christmas day, because my trip back to my hometown was canceled. Long storyyy. Gonna skip that one.

The thing is I can't sleep tonight. It was 10 p.m. and I was listening to music and barely stop thinking about everything. haha. just then, boom, 11 p.m.I have this question popped-up in my head: "Am I wasting my time?"

Then, next thing, I found myself searching for poster or whatevs you call it. I found some nice posters, here:

Have a nice day, okay? :)

A little passion about fashion

first, don't get me wrong, I am not a fashion blogger just because I want to talk about fashion right now, but if one day I become on of them, I will be that girl who has those pretty dresses and shoes with "normal price".

I mean, branded or unbranded, as long as I like it, the price is affordable, fits perfectly on me, I will buy it. No question. And that's explain why I spent so much money this month, so much, and...
it makes me feel guilty, so I stopped shopping.

In fact, I bought leather skirts yesterday! yes, skirts! I bought 2 skirts! the same skirt, only different colors! but what is pretty skirt without pretty top? Ding! I bought a pretty-black-top-with-pearly-collar.

and if you ask why I bought 2 skirts? well, I found this online shop whose owner is soo pretty and makes me a little obsessed with her wardrobe, I mean look at these photos!

yes, I have the same skirts as hers! gold and edgy black! I didn't purchase my skirts on her shop, because I was not sure to buy it via online. But yesterday, I went to the mall, and found the black leather skirt in Benhill, which I bought. And when we went in to this little shop - Mizu, I found a gold leather skirt and a black pearly collar top, which I made me sooo regret to buy the black skirt in the first place, so then I decided to sell the black skirt and buy the new, gold one.

But when I tried it both again in my room, I decided to keep my skirts. hahahaha.

Frankly, I read her blog, and fall in love with her shoes. A flat shoes from Geoeie - Eclair.

I'm still thinking about this, because what I actually need is a pair of wedges. I only have a pair of wedges, which I regret to buy. Kinda weird when I tried it home. The fact that I can't use heels, still makes me want to buy wedges, but I can't find any cute wedges. I know I'm kind of tall, but not tall enough. Only 165 cm. Sometimes I am jealous of those not-very-tall girls because somehow it makes them looks cuter. But when my friends wear heels, I feel short and I hate it. I am way more jealous to those models with long legs. Still, these flat shoes is on my wishlists.

my other wishlists?
1. Nude lipstick, black eye shadow.

 I can't do such things like make up. only casual way, but I really want to try this smoky eyes + nude lips!

2. Pattern Dress

always love dresses! :)

3. Sweater

I wish we have 4 seasons here, so I can wear sweater and coats :)

4. Socks

I have Oxford shoes, but it'll be more vintage with perfect socks like these one. Gotta find them.

The list goes on and on and on. But enough for today.

Lately

finally HOLIDAYS!!!
soooo many things I want to write here. But now, I started to forget. hhh.

1. 5 cm!

Few days ago, I watched this Indonesian-most-awesome-movie-EVER with friends. Three of us. The theater was sooo crowded, but it was worth it! Frankly, this is the official trailer:

"kaki untuk berjalan lebih jauh,
tangan untuk berbuat lebih banyak,
mata yang menatap lebih lama,
leher yang lebih sering melihat ke atas, 
lapisan tekad yang seribu kali lebih keras dari baja,
hati yang bekerja lebih keras,
serta mulut yang selalu berdoa."

2. Modern Family!
As we all know, my favorite TV show, How I Met Your Mother is almost the end, so I was looking for another TV show, aaand I tried Modern Family, because Alfin watched it as well, and I thought hey, he usually has the same taste as mine, so yeah I watched it. Turned out, it was sooo good. Hilarious! I downloaded it from the very first episode. Now, I have watched 16 episodes. There are so many scenes I highlighted, tell you later.

3. I seriously forget about everything, talk to you later, haha!

Bye, happy holidays! :)

Long time no post

Hi, human. Finally, I have time to write. I was extremely busy last week! I mean, seriously, it's been like the most hectic week ever. I am far far away from real life. It's been like everybody changed into zombies, but unfortunately this kind of zombie still have works to do and have deadline as well. Ha!

Next week is the last week of this term.

Thank God it's almost over. I can breathe a sigh of relief for a while.

It's still a loooong way to go. Usually the last week is the climax of every asdfghjkl. But, the week after is holidays! 2 weeks of holidays. Then again, unfortunately, final exam is coming as well.

Enough said.

Hey, frankly, I'm using my old blog URL. I am back! woohoo. I decided to come back because I feel silly for escaped the other time. Last week is a super rough week for me, but I tried to stand strong and boom, everything turned out okay. So, mental note, next time if problems coming up and you feel everything is against you, just fight back. In the cool way, of course! Life always a little chaotic, but hey, even Summer said "Color my life with the chaos of trouble."

Slowly but surely, my target is getting closer. Will tell you guys about it when it's already in my hand. Way to go!

btw, I am so tempted to write all about what happened lately, but it's just too much, and I confused where to start.There are also soooo many videos that I want to share. Tonight, I decided to tell you about Hand Jive!

so, the other week, Glee do the Hand Jive. And I think it's a really fun song. this is the full performance video:

I did a little researched about hand jive, and I found the Broadway version. Here it is:



it's only 25 seconds, but I really love it! :)

By the way, today is 12-12-12. December, 12th 2012. Nothing really special about today, though. Only, this morning, my video project has been shown. Me and friends were sooo excited about it. Share to you later!

OK, I'm gonna hit the bed.

Bye, good nite!

Unsure

I finally changed my URL. I don't know why, maybe because I want to be alone for a while or maybe for good. It's not really difficult to find me, maybe, but that's ok. I assumed not so many friends who will looking for my new URL. who is me, by the way?

I feel safe now. Even though I don't ever know what made me so insecure.

Lately I feel both happy and unsure. Happy, because some of my midterm tests turn out well. It's kind of surprised me, because this year is far different from my first year. I mean, I way more lazier than ever! but in the same time, it's not really surprised me, because while I worked on the test, I felt like I can do it. So, I think study in one night before the test is not really bad. Haha enough for show off.

And also unsure. I am not sure I'm feeling sad, bored, angry or lonesome. It just I have something that hold my smiles. Or am I scared? it's almost the end of November. And as always, the future is scary..

well, it's 1:00 A.M. and I have to get back to my college assignments.
I hope you will have a good day and unlike me, you're sure about your feelings.
bye :)

Curiosity

sooo, today curiosity beats me again. Not really sure about my feeling.
Not really sure whether I've moved on or not. But it seems I have. well, hopefully I have. What really matter is sometimes I have temptations, you know, to check on the internet. I mean, I can search/read everything. What I want to know, what I don't want to know but I've already read it so then I wished I never read it.
Is that normal?
I know, when you're reading this, maybe you will get confused.
Because I don't want to make it clear. I don't want certain people to know about this. In the other hand, I want somebody to help me figure things out. but who?
I can not just waiting somebody to catch all these hints I'm dropping.
and is there anybody out there who can help me except my own self?

All I can do is writing. At least for now.

Wicked Weekend

hi! finally, free time!
but today I want to write in Bahasa Indonesia. :)

gak terasa udah seminggu yang lalu liburan ke Probolinggo. gak libur sih, cuma weekend biasa. udah gitu ada kelas pengganti PAL di hari Sabtu, behh. Belum lagi PAL itu kepanjangan dari Pengantar ALJABAR Linear. ya gitu deh, hari Sabtu, weekend, mau liburan, tiba-tiba muncul kata kelas pengganti Aljabar. dan cukup tau aja, kelas penggantinya jam 7 pagi! luar biasa..

tapi gada yang bisa menghalangi kita liburan. Bolos? gak doong. jam 7 pagi aku udah dikelas. Biasa, anak rajin. Bahkan aku udah bawa ransel gede ke kelas, eh ternyata temen2 gang S&F (mending gausah dikasitau kepanjangan nama gang kita, lebih alay dari nama gang SMA. oke, clue: S&F itu judul lagu Super Junior yang baru, tapi di minus 1 S-nya.) pada belum siapin tas, bahkan Tiffany belum packing sama sekali, duh susah sih, anggota SNSD, sibuk megang kabel.

ya gitu, 2 jam kemudian...

kelas selesai!

habis itu makan, dan sempat juga main detekftif2an naik mobil (masih sempat ya -,-), udah deh cuuss ke rumah Lidia.

kita sempat-sempatin jalan-jalan ke sawah:

 cuma sempat foto bentar, karna orang setempat heboh, mereka kira kita ini personil SNSD

Malamnya naik mobil ke Bromo, diantar papanya Lidia, nginep di hotel. Dingiiiin. gak sedingin yang ku bayangkan sih.

jam setengah 4 bangun, langsung naik ke gunung. Udah mikir pasti aku gak kuat, wong dulu pas SMA lari naik gunung pasir aja udah mau pingsan, lemah -,- eh tapi ternyata kuat hehehe. tapi gak sampe puncak sih, males naik tangga.

nontonin sunrise! bagus, sayang fotonya masih di kameranya Lidia. ntar deh fotonya nyusul :)

habis itu kita ke gurun pasirnya, trus aku di foto Vania, mirip Kathryn Australia's Next Top Model! coba lihat ini:

coba tebak yang mana aku dan yang mana Kathryn?
Susah kan? iya, aku juga ga nyangka bisa mirip gitu!
(oke fen cukup) aku kasih clue deh, aku yang pake baju tertutup.

sebenarnya cukup awkward masang foto orang pake bikini di blog -,-
tapi aku cuma pengen ngasitau betapa miripnya foto kita berdua...

Habis lihat sunrise dan ke gurun, aku pikir udah jam 8 gitu, eh ternyata masih jam 5! terang benderang. untung aku pake baju tertutup, jadi aku gak berkilau-kilau kayak Edward. (oke abaikan)

habis dari Bromo pulang? Cih, cupu amat. (fen, sok banget sih)
kita ganti sepatu dulu. karna penuh adonan pasir+kotoran kuda. Sneakers pun ku buang (yang ini beneran, lagian udah rusak juga)

kita langsung capcus Rafting alias Arung Jeram. Lokasi di Regulo. Kali ini yang Rafting bukan cuma gang tapi bareng teman-teman KP A. Habis pake safety, kita naik pick-up (yang ada pagarnya, sejenis sama pick-up buat ngangkut sapi) sambil megang dayung. keren gak tuh. sayangnya gada fotonya. padahal keren gila.

awalnya jalannya mulus. eh lama-lama berbatu-batu. memang bener kata orang, hidup itu gak mungkin jalannya mulus terus.
jadilah kita terombang-ambing di atas pick-up. belum lagi banyak pemandangan orang mandi dan nyuci dan lainnya. Baunya sih udah biasa, karna sama aja kayak di Bromo -,-

mulailah rafting. beh keren gila (awalnya). di bagian samping sungai ada satu tempat yang full kupu-kupu warna kuning! sayangnya gak bawa kamera :(

semua asik namun berubah ketika kita sampai di Jeram Bokong.. iya, artiin sendiri kenapa bagian sungai itu dinamakan begitu..

makin lama makin panas. akhirnya pun kita sampai di finish. Puji Tuhan aku gak kenapa-napa. habis itu pulang ke rumah lidia dulu, mandi.

langsung cuss pulang ke Surabaya, karena besoknya hari Senin. dan ada kelas ektek: Ekonomi Teknik. dan itu kelasnya jam 7 pagi...

di jalan mampir dulu ke Ote-Ote Porong, enaaaaak :9 tapi juga gak difoto, udah lapar.

sampe rumah tidur deh, besoknya kelas. no more fairy tale.

weekend yang keren. woohooo!

Way of Thinking

I have finally found something interesting in class yesterday!

My substitute lecturer is incredibly intelligent, I must say. I mean, every lecturer should be intelligent, but she can teach us in a fun way. She keeps telling us stories and theories in an applicative way, so it's way more interesting.

It's Ergonomic class, actually. Yesterday, we learned about the working system of human thought. First she told us that color can affect our way of thinking. A factory in Japan never fired anyone but it has an unique way to handle if there's employee who makes a huge mistake. It has a dark room and everything in that room is black. So, they have to be in there until they can realize their mistake, but mostly they'll feel guilty and finally resign. I searched for it on the internet, but unfortunately I can't find any. Maybe I used the wrong keyword.

She, my lecturer, has a twin children, a boy and a girl. She said she was thankful for it, because it's amazing to watch them grow differently. When I listened it, I want twin as well, it'll be fun! She also recommended us to read Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps.well, I looked for it in the library, but I can't find it. Luckily, I found it on the internet and I can download it for free. you can also download it here.

Everybody has different perspective. Boys and girls, not to mention teenagers and adults. Some of them says "it's right to do" and others says "wrong", and when they knew it was right or wrong, still, it was their choices to do it or not. Because everybody has choice of response. And I think it's extremely amazing :)

She also mentioned, when you're old, you're going to be forgetful and less intelligent, because you're not really maintain your brain. It got me thinking. I've planned that I will keep learned things and not relying on others. I'll keep my "machine" oiled, haha.

so yeah, that's all I can remember.

and frankly, tomorrow I will go to Mount Bromo. so excited! aaaand I'll go rafting on Sunday. A little bit paranoid, actually. hahaha coward, huh?

I hope I will be okay so I can post some photos in the next post. Talk to you later..

Have a nice weekend! ;)

Harry Potter

Never mind about the last post. just a little lonely, perhaps. Teenager. But on Wednesday I've finally met my friends, and it made me feel so much better, so nothing to worry about. How sweet, isn't it? sometimes friends are annoying, but when you can't meet them on the holidays, you'll miss them. and I think it's nice. It's just nice.

nothing much for my holidays, though, because technically it wasn't really holidays haha. I had so many things in my to do list, but I ended up doing nothing. Instead, I did Harry Potter marathon. yes, I was watching Harry Potter from the beginning till the very end. Harry Potter, always interesting. who doesn't love magic?

I am so glad I have full collection of Harry Potter. To be honest, I've already planned to let my children watch it. in the proper age, of course. I think they'll love it :)

After the marathon, I realized how much I adore Severus Snape. I mean the way of he speaks. I think Allan Rickman is such a good actor. And my second favorite is (well, in this case are) Fred & George Weasley. Everybody loves them, I think. The last one is Neville Longbottom. He is funny and heroic in the end. (and the other reason is he's soooo handsome now).

My favorite scene are when the first time Harry came to Hogwarts and also the war. My favorite line is when Professor McGonagall said "I've always wanted to use that spell!"

and also..

Dumbledore: Harry, do you know why Professor Quirrell couldn't bear to have you touch him?
[Harry shakes his head]
Dumbledore: It was because of your mother. She sacrificed herself for you, and that kind of act leaves a mark.
[Harry reaches up to touch his scar]
Dumbledore: No, no. This kind of mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin.
Harry: What is it?
Dumbledore: Love, Harry. Love.

and also..

Horace Slughorn: It was a student who gave me Francis. One Spring afternoon I discovered a bowl on my desk, just a few inches of clear water in it. Floating on the surface was a flower petal. As I watched, it sank. Just when it reached the bottom, it transformed into a wee fish. It was beautiful magic, wondrous to the behold. The flower petal had come from a lily, your mother. The day I came downstairs, the day the bowl was empty, was the day your mother..

yeah, yeah, JK Rowling is really is a legend. But again, I adore Alan so much. I do a little research about him and I find this thank you letter from Alan to JK Rowling. Here it is:

and in another source, it's written "He did note, though, that he officially kept Snape's wand."

What if I could make it?

ah, here I am, again, and realize how much I love writing more than ever. Of course, there's still some parts that grammatically error, but screw that. I love writing in English, because it just.. sounds better. haha.

well, I've just bought myself dinner. And when I was waiting for my order, a stranger - an old man started a conversation with me. Didn't really surprise me, though, because I think most of old people like to talk.

So, each of us sat on a chair, and he asked me about college stuff, and I said that I study Industrial Engineering. He said "oh, Industrial Engineering?" At first, I thought he was from Industrial Engineering, too, and he felt nostalgic, which is actually made me feel good about it, but it turned out when he said that his children, 3 of them, studied Industrial Engineering, aaand he said none of them employed. And I was like "What?" but only in my mind.

I can see disappointment in his eyes, which made me feel bad. He said "the 2 daughters became housewives." And I didn't brave enough to ask about his son, so I just nodded. He also told me he lived here for 30 years, and he is 70 (or maybe more, I don't know). In the end of the conversation, he had to go, and I watched him walking very very slowly, although he looks healthy. (he reminded me of Mr. Black and or Grandpa Thomas).

it just hit me, I am 18, and he is 70, which means he has experienced life (almost) 4 times longer than me. And I felt a little bit shame of my life, because, after all this time, I didn't really achieved something (or did I?).


but last night (what a coincidence!) I have figured out my dream! the only thing that I really want to achieve, so badly. and I could feel it's so closed to me. I know I can make it comes true, if I work hard enough.
I can't tell you yet, but I will tell my Mom soon. Before I tell you, I have to do something first, so... wait for it. hahah.

I am nervous. I am scared. Maybe that's how it feels like when you about to make your dream comes true. You feel both excited and nervous when you think about it. Your heart keeps pounding. What if I could make it? What if not?

I will keep trying. I want to make my unborn child proud of me. And of course my parents. I want to be old (someday) and not feeling regret.

Wish me luck! :)

and oh, I found this super cute picture and I want to share it to the world: