am I being that mean?

dear friends,

have you ever been in a situation when you feel that you have not been a good person or a terrible company?

well, I have. and I feel bad about myself.

I can feel, lately (or maybe since the first time?) I easily mad or offended, even with my own friends. yes, it's just last less then an hour or two, and I quickly forget the reasons why I was being mad (ok honestly, not really that quick) but unfortunately people don't forget. I can imagine how many friends talking about me for being mad all day, or some of them scared of me (how pathetic), and it makes me feel bad even more.

In my defense, I don't really mad or angry or whatever it is, I just maybe, grumble, a lot. which is very annoying, I know, haha. But sadly I realized it's annoying when I finished grumbling, so it's still make me feel bad.

Few days ago, my fellow twitter, Diadra tweets "What's great about being a girl, when you're being sarcastic and annoying you can always blame hormones." which has been my reason after all this time. But it's more than that, I must say. I mean, I kind of starting to hate people. I don't think blaming hormones is enough reason. when someone talks long-winded, and it's like taking forever, my mind will shout "stop it already! you're talking non sense!" or, when someone tells me a joke, and it doesn't funny for me, I will give them this fake laugh and again my mind will say "stop it, stop trying to steal the attention, it doesn't funny at all!" but thank goodness, it's still stay in my mind.

and when I am busy, I hate if the other annoy me, even though I know they're just kidding or whatever. I hate people who dictate me something I already knew. I hate people when they keep asking me question that I have no idea about it, and when I say "I don't know", I hate if they still keep asking me the repetitive questions which make me feel nauseous (nauseous or nauseated?) and I will pretend like I don't hear it, and keep my mouth shout until I can control my emotions.

am I being that mean?

If you feel so, I am sorry. and I will try to fix it. I will try to be more patient. and maybe I need your help, too. I need someone to remind me.

I do have a little researched about this (haha, how silly), and I found this article about  How To Stop Being Mean to People. so, hopefully, you and I who have this kind of problem, can fix it and be a better person :)

Have a nice week!

(good luck for the mid-test)