18

so, a couple days ago, I turned eighteen. And I kind of excited about it.
I don't know why, but I like eighteen more then seventeen.

but, my birthday didn't going so well.
maybe, in this stage of age, I should lower my expectation about birthday stuff.

In case you're wondering how my birthday was going, let me fill you in.

About 1:00 a.m. I was dreaming something (that I couldn't remember) then suddenly woke up. Then I checked my phone, and surely I got some messages from my college friends.
I was happy when I saw it, until I realize that one of my old friend (who I expect "happy birthday" me) didn't "happy birthday" me in that time, instead she was 'twitter-ing'.
okay, maybe she forgot. But I know I'm eighteen now, so I wouldn't let this make me down. And around day time, she finally "happy birthday" me, so that's okay.

And then Lidia text me, and I got this nice picture that she edited herself.

 I was really happy that someone care enough to make this. Sweet :) Thanks Lidiaaa, my partner-for-Physic-Practice-to-be.

My phone didn't stop vibrate, so I couldn't sleep, although I was very sleepy. And when I finished thank them all, they went to sleep, and tadaaa, I can't sleep anymore.
So, I closed my eyes and thought about mistakes that I had done,
what will I do in my eighteen,
whether I have been a good friend or not,
whether I can make my parents proud or not,
whether I can control my emotion or not.
Or maybe why I always care about what people think about me.
Why I always be overthink.
Or why I should get broken heart, and why I can't find someone.
Actually I know the answer to the last question.
I'm not pretty, less attractive, not popular, have no skill to steal the attention, sometimes I get so quiet because I'm not comfortable enough to speak.
And I rarely watched TV (I have just known about 'Afikaa' things few days ago. It's an Oreo ad)
Then I thought I have to learn more about how to use make up, nice dress or something like that. Actually I have bought some nice outfits since there's many of them in Surabaya.
I know people say "Wear more confident than make up", but I assumed I'll be more confident if I stop wearing T-shirt, jeans, slippers and big jacket. And maybe make up can make my eyes look bigger.
It's the first step. Second step, I have to be more interacting with other, confident, blah blah blah.
The next thing I know, my Mom woke me up, asked me what I want for breakfast. And I had this headache.

I didn't hide my birthday on Facebook this year, so I got so many greetings.
And this year, I replied it one by one. I found out it's a positive thing to do, because I ended up chatting with my old friends.

Nothing really special. I got no message from my crush. And someone forgot my bithday at all. At all. It's kind of disappointing. I don't mind if another people forget, but ... (I don't want you to know the gender)
I'm not mad, but mad (?) I started to think what will I suppose to say if ... finally text me "ohhh I'm sorry I forgot your birthday blah blah blah".
a.) I will reply "how could you! you're the one who I was waiting for. It's been a week, and now you say sorry? really? it's the best you can do?"


instead

b.) hahaha fine, I didn't even notice you forgot! Besides, I'm 18 now, I won't cry for that :D (fake smile)


and then I realize there's the third option.

c.) I have to say nothing, because .... doesn't and will not realize I have a birthday. Maybe ... forget I've ever existed...

hhhhh I don't wanna think about it.

well, today feels like a regular day. Same day when I was seventeen.
I just hope being 18 will be a turning point in my life.
I hope I can do things I really want to do, before someday I get old and full of regret in my birthday, because I didn't do anything.
Amen. :)