From Me to You

okay, well, lately I'm kind of feel like... weird and awkward.
I mean, I'm always weird, but this time I'm really think it's way too much weird.


To tell you the truth, I can't explain what is my personality.


Sometimes, I'm so quiet.
Sometimes, I want to be alone.
When no one bother me.
It feels easier when I'm alone.
I mean, I don't have to wait my friend who walks slowly, or I don't have to hear something that I don't wanna hear or I don't have to follow them to go to somewhere I don't wanna go.
Sometimes, I just love the moment when I'm sitting alone and watching people around, when a thousand thoughts running in my head.


But, sometimes I'm not a stolid, at all.
I love laughing out loud with my friends.
Of course I love spending time with them.
Sometimes, I'm talkative, you know.
Sometimes, they say I'm funny.
I really love when they laugh because of me. Really do.
I'm happy when I can make my friends happy.


When they have problems, I'm listening. Give advice. I always try to help as I could.
I love when I can be something to them.
I'm really respect with someone who share his/her story or maybe problems with me. Because it means they trust me.
but sometimes, when I feel tired, busy or not in the mood, I .... let we say, inattentive.


arghh.
I'm afraid I can explain this clearly.


It just, now, I'm in college, and meet people, new friends.


NEW FRIENDS, that the problems.
I can't be adaptive.


at the beginning, I'm so shy and so quiet. the question is: why am I so shy for along time? it's been a month since I met them.
I'm not used to be like this.


When I'm trying to be attractive, I'm feel so awkward.
Seems like my new friends had already think I'm stolid. And when I speak up, they will think like 'who is she? since when Fenny becomes so talkative like that?'


get my point?


I'm afraid of what are they thinking about me when I change myself from stolid to talkative.
not afraid. argh, I could not find the right word.
I feel awkward, ok?


I always be talkative with my family. Only in my house, I can be just one person. Only with my family I can be my self.
Nah, with my best friends too. Elvira, for example.
you can ask her whether I'm a stolid or not.
I'm sure she would say no.


I know, I have to be myself.
I don't want to be stolid.
I don't want to feel awkward when I'm speaking.
but how?


writing is do relieve, but I need solution.
I need someone who can give me advices, motivates me.
anybody?